11-13-09

I was going to post a review but forgot until later.

- two stars -

11-12-09

I typed "what happens if" into the search engine and
discovered exactly what does happen if.

- four stars -

11-08-09

My house has a gold cap like three of my teeth.

- three stars -

10-27-09

I have it on good authority that spandex "onesies"
inspire people to try absurd and acrobatic things.

- three stars -

10-22-09

There was a fortune inside of a cookie that read:
"It isn't the destination but the journey that counts."

I felt satisfaction today but suddenly remembering that cookie,
regretted not having the foresight to appreciate my journey to it.

- one star -

10-19-09

Ben moved to Maine.
Though I will miss his company,
I have cause to text hilarious word play.

"'Mainely' traveling today?"

Leaving him that opportunity to respond in kind:

"Because of such a long time travelling, i.e. jet lag, I arrived feeling quite 'Maine-iacle'"

- three stars -

09-30-09

The day is cool and windy and it feels like
the ocean is just over the horizon.

It also kind of feels like the ocean is actually
595 miles away.

- three stars -

09-09-09

There is a tattoo on my arm today.
I can finally quit the fear of getting
a job that won't allow one.

- four stars -

09-06-09

I needed a nap today but didn't realize that until it was too late.

- one star -

08-26-09

There are people that I like
and then there are people that
I'd like to see boxing underwater.

- one star -

08-24-09

Lately the amount of good ideas I've had corresponds directly with the number of beers I drank. Curiously, the amount of good ideas I realize are complete bullshit when I wake up also parallels that number.

- two stars -

08-19-09

It is hot today, sticky sweaty no air conditioning hot.
The thought of cooler weather should excite me
but unfortunately the back of my neck tenses up
when I ride my bike in the cold.

- one star -

06-09-09

Despite the quality,
it is very difficult for me to finish reading a book
once I've imagined Leslie Nielsen as the protagonist.

- one star -

06-01-09

I slept in. When I woke up it was
thirteen days later and already June.

- two stars -

05-18-09

"Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?"
- Rosalind from As You Like It

I've been wondering this today,
with a tongue sore from sunflower seeds
and a sunburn from a long day at the beach.

- one star -

05-15-09

My roommate tells me he's heard me talking to myself at night.
I don't remember talking to myself at night.

- two stars -

05-13-09

I'd left the window open as I slept
for the first time this year
and I woke to the sound of birds
and the cool of morning air on my face.

- four stars -

05-11-09

For days to come I will look back fondly at the memory of
washing dishes dressed like the soundtrack to Marry Poppins.

- three stars -

05-08-09

It seems fitting that there will be a full moon tonight,
the 25th anniversary of me experiencing May 8th.

- four stars -

05-05-09

He called Good Morning America
"the clattering vapid noise of Satan."

- four stars -

05-04-09

I still love the Back to the Future trilogy, but these days
I rarely entertain the idea of traveling in time seriously.

- one star -

04-30-09

Years ago I forgot about conditioner.
I remembered it today.

- three stars -

04-29-09

Yesterday I was going to the ocean.
But it was raining.
I didn't want to get wet watching all that water.

- two stars -

04-27-09

I know now that it was a mistake,
but I went shopping for jeans before breakfast.

- one star -

04-26-09

I haven't watched basketball in years but today,
watching the Celtics and the Bulls
I remembered that I made the B team in Jr. High.
I remember enjoying it and have
decided to look into playing professionally.

- three stars -

04-25-09

He told me he plans to start a bar in Portland so
I offered to help him write up a business poem.

- two stars -

04-24-09

I wasn't sure what I would get at the grocery store,
but figured it out once I got there.

- three stars -

04-22-09

It's Earth Day. I've been imagining myself
celebrating it for almost an hour now.

- two stars -

04-21-09

On one hand, everyone looks outside and says, "It's so nice,"
on the other hand, soon I'm going to have to wear shorts.

- on star -

04-20-09

Some things relax me, beer in the morning
on an airplane relaxes me.

- four stars -

04-17-09

Entering 'things that aren't funny' into a search engine
produces incredibly boring results.

- one star -

04-16-09

My lunch today reminded me of soup and bread.

- two stars -

04-15-09

In a perfect world I wouldn't have to keep wondering
"What if King of the Hill really happened?"

- one star -

04-14-09

I've decided to change my signature.
I am tired of indecipherable squiggly lines.

Its been difficult though, deciding
whether to use my name, someone else's,
or a picture of a tooth.

- two stars -

04-13-09

I'm not entirely sure that the things I said had
really made her Laugh Out Loud.

- two stars -

04-10-09

It's only been a month but I am already sick of Daylight Savings Time.

- one star -

04-09-09

At first the discovery that Charlie Brown's
name spelled 'A Broil Wrench' confused me.

- three stars -

04-08-09

I was reminded today that I can't invent things that are:

1. Completely Useless (windshield wipers for your eyes)
2. Impractical and Probably Impossible (autonomous staple removers)
3. Invented Already (foot socks)

- one star -

04-07-09

Hmm...I didn't think I liked smooth jazz.

- one star -

03-23-09

There's an old episode of Tales From The Crypt
where a boy finds a radio station for the dead
after turning the dial of the radio in a hearse.

I don't think I happened on that station today.

- two stars -

03-17-09

I accidentally forgot about September, 11th for a second.

- one star -

03-16-09

Yesterday instead of candy I bought carrots at the grocery store.
Wondering what had come over me, I ate two on the walk home.

- two stars -

03-12-09

This would be hard to explain except to say that riding my bike, my mind wandered. I cannot say for certain that the fantastic events I witnessed did not happen.

- four stars -

03-09-09

I keep seeing this effect in movies
where time slows down for a moment
then it speeds up and then regular movement is restored.

So far, due to my own experiences, I cannot relate to that.

- two stars -

03-06-09

How long had my hands been shaking?

I didn't notice until halfway through my seventh cup of coffee
but by then it was too late
so I abandoned myself to simply sitting in agitation.

- one star -

03-05-09

If I was being tailed, I manged to deftly elude the white Durnago.
If not it was simply another daytime drive.

- three stars -

03-03-09

For the last few days I've been dwelling on the significance and brilliance of changes that have occurred in the past three decades but it was only today, when I was told to 'avoid the noid',
that I realized how very far we've come.

- four stars -

02-24-09

I spent time carefully picking out library books
and approaching the front desk,
learned that my address was ineligible for a library card.

- one star -

02-23-09

While watching a stoplight sway in the afternoon wind,
I tried to decide who I would tell first
if it were to crash down onto the street.

- two stars -

02-18-09

Instead of some intoxicating drink,
the goblet brimmed with spare change.

- two stars -

02-16-09

As the sun set tonight,
the sky turned a cotton candy pink and blue.
It felt insincere.

- one star -

02-13-09

Rather than use the hand saw
to cut each stump into workable pieces of wood,
I opted out of the entire process.

- four stars -

02-12-09

After a long while listening, I realized that my mind had wandered.

- two stars -

02-11-09

Noticing that the holes in my shoes were quickly getting larger,
I became excited at the prospect of both thicker socks
and warmer weather.

- three stars -

02-10-09

It was too cold to bike last night. I put on gloves and walked.
When a friend asked if I had biked,
I answered truthfully that I had not.

- three stars -

02-09-09

While in my backyard, sitting and facing the fence that borders the street I can make out people passing by through the spaces in each board. It occurred to me later that they could make me out through those very same spaces.

- one star -

02-04-09

In conversation I mentioned that I liked to draw.
"What medium," she asked.
I answered that I liked to use paint.
"Me too," she said.
I said that I thought it was a wonderful program.
"I meant real paint," she said.

- two stars -

02-03-09

when i learned that guitarists who play often
can suffer a condition called 'guitar nipple',
i looked toward my own guitar apprehensively.

- two stars -

02-02-09

i've tried again and again to sit at my desk
but it is either too short or my legs are too long.
nothing changed about that today.

- one star -

02-01-09

there are two electrical outlets in my room.
one on the wall that i use. there is another on the ceiling,
i tried it and it didn't work.

there is one working electrical outlet in my room.

- one star -

01-31-09

there was a man on the radio for a moment.
he'd gone to spy school.
i spent my drive home thinking about that.

- four stars -

01-30-09

I'd decided to doodle.
When I tried to draw a face it turned into an apple.

- two stars -

01-28-09

my shoes fit me today. yesterday my toes were cramped and sore.
but my shoes have stretched and now i walk comfortably in them.

- three stars -

01-23-09

last night i realized all the tiny green lights that show in the dark of my room.
i closed my eyes wondering whether they formed a constellation.
i dreamt the stars in the sky were electronic devices charging.

- three stars -

01-20-09

i thought it was somewhere around noon when i looked at the clock but it was actually three eleven.

- two stars -

01-16-09

after i painted my nails i decided to wipe off the dark black color.

i've helped my sister paint her nails. i've helped by using a cotton swab and alcohol to clean the skin painted around the nails.

i don't have anyone to clean my painted finger's skin.

they look dirty. like they were painted with a permanent marker. they look like dirty nails.

- two stars -

01-16-09

i poured myself a soda last night. the fizz and bubbles spiraled into what looked like a galaxy.

- two stars -

01-15-09

so i'm cursed.

i am unable to own the perfect porcelain coffee mug.
i am very picky.
in the last year i've found two absolutely perfect mugs.

the first broke after my first sip of coffee. i set it on a table that just wasn't there.
the second broke today. four or five sips in. the handle fell off, it just broke off in my hands.

it frustrates me to think that perfection may be forever falling from my grasp.

but it is unusual to discover that you are cursed. it suggests fate somehow and comforts me to encounter evidence of it.

- four stars -

01-09-09

After I got tackled I started to limp.

Sometimes when I have a cold my voice gets scratchy and it sounds strange and weathered, it sounds cool. Well my walking is emphasized now in a new way, like having a scratchy voice and it doesn't hurt enough to detract from my rating.

For an unexpected change of pace...

- three stars -

01-05-09

today i drove for almost three hours through the snow in the silence of my car. afterward i wondered at feeling elated.

it reminded me of jack nicholson as robert dupea playing piano in the back of a stranger's truck, of jean-pierre leaud's antoine doinel running and running and running to the beach, of adrian grenier's sebastion cole racing his bike down long and steep and rural roads.

it was fantastic. really fantastic.

- four stars -

01-02-09

Laying in bed that Mmmmmmm song by the crash test dummies played on the radio. It reminded me of having the flu in jr. high.

- one star -

01-01-09

I'm not religious so it was strange that walking home drunk from the bar on new years eve, god appeared.

It is an interesting story, trust me.

- three and one half stars -