08-24-09

Lately the amount of good ideas I've had corresponds directly with the number of beers I drank. Curiously, the amount of good ideas I realize are complete bullshit when I wake up also parallels that number.

- two stars -

08-19-09

It is hot today, sticky sweaty no air conditioning hot.
The thought of cooler weather should excite me
but unfortunately the back of my neck tenses up
when I ride my bike in the cold.

- one star -

06-09-09

Despite the quality,
it is very difficult for me to finish reading a book
once I've imagined Leslie Nielsen as the protagonist.

- one star -

06-01-09

I slept in. When I woke up it was
thirteen days later and already June.

- two stars -

05-18-09

"Why then, can one desire too much of a good thing?"
- Rosalind from As You Like It

I've been wondering this today,
with a tongue sore from sunflower seeds
and a sunburn from a long day at the beach.

- one star -

05-15-09

My roommate tells me he's heard me talking to myself at night.
I don't remember talking to myself at night.

- two stars -

05-13-09

I'd left the window open as I slept
for the first time this year
and I woke to the sound of birds
and the cool of morning air on my face.

- four stars -

05-11-09

For days to come I will look back fondly at the memory of
washing dishes dressed like the soundtrack to Marry Poppins.

- three stars -

05-08-09

It seems fitting that there will be a full moon tonight,
the 25th anniversary of me experiencing May 8th.

- four stars -

05-05-09

He called Good Morning America
"the clattering vapid noise of Satan."

- four stars -

05-04-09

I still love the Back to the Future trilogy, but these days
I rarely entertain the idea of traveling in time seriously.

- one star -

04-30-09

Years ago I forgot about conditioner.
I remembered it today.

- three stars -

04-29-09

Yesterday I was going to the ocean.
But it was raining.
I didn't want to get wet watching all that water.

- two stars -

04-27-09

I know now that it was a mistake,
but I went shopping for jeans before breakfast.

- one star -

04-26-09

I haven't watched basketball in years but today,
watching the Celtics and the Bulls
I remembered that I made the B team in Jr. High.
I remember enjoying it and have
decided to look into playing professionally.

- three stars -

04-25-09

He told me he plans to start a bar in Portland so
I offered to help him write up a business poem.

- two stars -

04-24-09

I wasn't sure what I would get at the grocery store,
but figured it out once I got there.

- three stars -

04-22-09

It's Earth Day. I've been imagining myself
celebrating it for almost an hour now.

- two stars -

04-21-09

On one hand, everyone looks outside and says, "It's so nice,"
on the other hand, soon I'm going to have to wear shorts.

- on star -

04-20-09

Some things relax me, beer in the morning
on an airplane relaxes me.

- four stars -

04-17-09

Entering 'things that aren't funny' into a search engine
produces incredibly boring results.

- one star -

04-16-09

My lunch today reminded me of soup and bread.

- two stars -

04-15-09

In a perfect world I wouldn't have to keep wondering
"What if King of the Hill really happened?"

- one star -

04-14-09

I've decided to change my signature.
I am tired of indecipherable squiggly lines.

Its been difficult though, deciding
whether to use my name, someone else's,
or a picture of a tooth.

- two stars -

04-13-09

I'm not entirely sure that the things I said had
really made her Laugh Out Loud.

- two stars -

04-10-09

It's only been a month but I am already sick of Daylight Savings Time.

- one star -

04-09-09

At first the discovery that Charlie Brown's
name spelled 'A Broil Wrench' confused me.

- three stars -

04-08-09

I was reminded today that I can't invent things that are:

1. Completely Useless (windshield wipers for your eyes)
2. Impractical and Probably Impossible (autonomous staple removers)
3. Invented Already (foot socks)

- one star -

04-07-09

Hmm...I didn't think I liked smooth jazz.

- one star -

03-23-09

There's an old episode of Tales From The Crypt
where a boy finds a radio station for the dead
after turning the dial of the radio in a hearse.

I don't think I happened on that station today.

- two stars -

03-17-09

I accidentally forgot about September, 11th for a second.

- one star -

03-16-09

Yesterday instead of candy I bought carrots at the grocery store.
Wondering what had come over me, I ate two on the walk home.

- two stars -

03-12-09

This would be hard to explain except to say that riding my bike, my mind wandered. I cannot say for certain that the fantastic events I witnessed did not happen.

- four stars -

03-09-09

I keep seeing this effect in movies
where time slows down for a moment
then it speeds up and then regular movement is restored.

So far, due to my own experiences, I cannot relate to that.

- two stars -

03-06-09

How long had my hands been shaking?

I didn't notice until halfway through my seventh cup of coffee
but by then it was too late
so I abandoned myself to simply sitting in agitation.

- one star -

03-05-09

If I was being tailed, I manged to deftly elude the white Durnago.
If not it was simply another daytime drive.

- three stars -

03-03-09

For the last few days I've been dwelling on the significance and brilliance of changes that have occurred in the past three decades but it was only today, when I was told to 'avoid the noid',
that I realized how very far we've come.

- four stars -

02-24-09

I spent time carefully picking out library books
and approaching the front desk,
learned that my address was ineligible for a library card.

- one star -

02-23-09

While watching a stoplight sway in the afternoon wind,
I tried to decide who I would tell first
if it were to crash down onto the street.

- two stars -

02-18-09

Instead of some intoxicating drink,
the goblet brimmed with spare change.

- two stars -

02-16-09

As the sun set tonight,
the sky turned a cotton candy pink and blue.
It felt insincere.

- one star -

02-13-09

Rather than use the hand saw
to cut each stump into workable pieces of wood,
I opted out of the entire process.

- four stars -

02-12-09

After a long while listening, I realized that my mind had wandered.

- two stars -

02-11-09

Noticing that the holes in my shoes were quickly getting larger,
I became excited at the prospect of both thicker socks
and warmer weather.

- three stars -

02-10-09

It was too cold to bike last night. I put on gloves and walked.
When a friend asked if I had biked,
I answered truthfully that I had not.

- three stars -

02-09-09

While in my backyard, sitting and facing the fence that borders the street I can make out people passing by through the spaces in each board. It occurred to me later that they could make me out through those very same spaces.

- one star -

02-04-09

In conversation I mentioned that I liked to draw.
"What medium," she asked.
I answered that I liked to use paint.
"Me too," she said.
I said that I thought it was a wonderful program.
"I meant real paint," she said.

- two stars -

02-03-09

when i learned that guitarists who play often
can suffer a condition called 'guitar nipple',
i looked toward my own guitar apprehensively.

- two stars -

02-02-09

i've tried again and again to sit at my desk
but it is either too short or my legs are too long.
nothing changed about that today.

- one star -

02-01-09

there are two electrical outlets in my room.
one on the wall that i use. there is another on the ceiling,
i tried it and it didn't work.

there is one working electrical outlet in my room.

- one star -